What this new year isn't for...

Interesting realization as I reflected on my new year mindset. As I thought about 2009, I felt what I feel at the end of most every year--tremendous guilt. I feel badly about all that I didn't accomplish--I didn't magically improve my career, I didn't lose weight (quite the contrary), I didn't launch the social innovation of the 21st century that will make our world more just, I didn't write the great American novel, I didn't make my house worthy of a Southern Living spread, I didn't make all my friends and family feel as special as they are to me, I didn't save money or spend money on worthwhile things, I didn't spend more time with God, I didn't use my passport (in fact, it expired and I couldn't find it to renew it). I did have some enjoyable time watching NASCAR, college football, pro football, and some fun comedy shows. I did work with a team of people I really like and carve out a professional work area that is meaningful to me and important for my organization. I did meet some great new people and spent a little bit of quality time--whether via facebook or email or in person--with friends and family. And Randy and I did buy a home that we love and are looking to welcome another family member to the Dowells in 2010. But those things were largely random, and for much of 2009 I felt like I should be doing more.

So this year as I made my list of goals, I began reflecting on what 2010 isn't NECESSARILY for.

My big themes this year are to enjoy my family, my home, and my profession. I looked proudly at my list. And then the guilt kicked in.

Guilty because when I looked at this list it felt--selfish. Firstly, God was missing. Secondly, it was all about my enjoyment. Then I reflected further and realized that it's silly (and unrealistic) to put God in his own compartment. Every year I say, "i'm going to spend more time with God". What does that even mean? Where is God if he's not with me, with my family, with the work I do. If I'm really reflecting on how to most enjoy my family, my home, and my profession, I am actually reflecting on how to most enjoy God's blessings, and how to be the best steward of God's gifts. I think that would be far superior to what I do most years--feeling guilty about not spending time with God, bemoaning time I spend with family and friends because I feel like I should be working, and being too tired from working to spend time in fellowship with my family or friends or reflecting on God. So enjoying God's blessings might seem (and might even be) selfish--but it also frees me to spend time in relationship and in connection.

The other thing that felt strange to me when I looked at this list is that it didn't seem very Big, Hairy, or Audacious! Where'd all that 20-something ambition go? What about writing? What about launching a social venture? What about whipping back into (or into I guess I should say ;-)) tip top shape after I have our first child? I freed myself. That's okay. First of all, I'm having a baby this year. That's plenty. Secondly, am I entirely sure what I want to do professionally? Do I want to write full time? Is this social venture what I want to do long-term? Well, it may emerge as the year goes on that indeed I do want to write and indeed I do want to launch this social venture. But that's not what this year is designed for in its start. I want to enjoy my family, my home, and my profession.

So that means this isn't necessarily the year for feeling like I need to launch any new professional ideas. I'm going to launch some new recipes, some new decorating ideas, and a new life into the world. And if special professional opportunities emerge, I'll be in tune with God and my family to figure out how to walk forward in those.

So I find something freeing about these new year's resolutions. And I'm as freed in identifying what my priorities are as I am in identifiying what they are not.

And ironically, here I am writing--even though it's NOT one of my resolutions ;-). But it'll probably make me enjoy my family, my home, and my profession more--so I'm okay with it.

Here's to a guilt-free December 31, 2010. Oh! And we do have one resolution. If we haven't eaten at the Captain D's around the corner from our house by December 31st, 2010, we will eat at Captain D's. We live so close and we have never eaten there. So that's our one concrete resolution.